Whiskey and a Broken Frame
by Azure Lightning Emerald Cloud
Summary: Lena is dealing with the truth about Kara. Lena is dealing with having committed a potentially cosmically unforgivable sin. She also got drunk after game night at the Kara's place and did something not so well thought out with the Harun-El serum. I do not own Supergirl or any of the characters that appear on the CW's shows, the CW does.
1. The Morning After

Whiskey and a Broken Frame

Nobody mentioned it at the Danvers sisters' game night. I was grateful for that, because Alex at least must surely know what I did. Maybe the others suspect. Kara must…

But Alex and I were too similar; she _knew _what I was capable of. What Lex was capable of pushing me to do.

I shot my big brother.

I murdered Lex. The only person I could remember really loving until I met Jack, Samantha, Ruby, and Kara. And what's worse is that murdering him felt like justice. It felt _good_.

Not for anything that he'd done to _others_, no.

Ending his life felt like setting things right, for ALL the times I'd been made to feel _less than_ or like _just another Luthor_ since he slaughtered all those people years ago. For every time my own insecurities stemming from our family's deeds tainted ALL of my relationships.

I'm not going to go mad, because as much as it felt _good _to finally put an end to the nightmare that my brother had become, pulling that trigger shattered me.

Every story, every fairy tale I'd ever read that dealt with 'kin killers' was deeply against such an action. Most of the time, the act of murdering family invoked some kind of cosmic justice. In regards to killing family, was turnabout fair play? Because Lex had definitely tried to have me killed before. So had my mother, Lillian.

I know that she loves me _now_. I do. But I also remember when she left me for dead when John Corben went nuclear. I remember when her goons threw me off my balcony. Her love was abusive, and cold, and it _always _made me feel _small_.

Not like Lex's love. There was a time when his support, his care…they anchored me when I needed it most. And I shot him.

Kara loved me. I think. But now…I just don't know.

But I put that to the back of my mind. I just…there was so _much _going on in my head right now that I needed to take a break. I wasn't even ready to process his final revelation: that my sweet, sweet friend Kara had been lying to my face for years.

I slammed the tumbler of whiskey down on the frame of the two of us. The glass fractured, and It felt symbolic in the most cliché way possible. I drained the rest of whiskey.

My suspicions were confirmed. I couldn't feel the buzz. I looked over to the alcohol cabinet I kept. I had just downed an entire ten fingers of overpriced whiskey, and I felt _nothing. _

You see, last night, after getting back to my penthouse from game night, I did something dumb. I was drunk, I was angry, and oh so gripped by grief. I injected myself with the Super-serum. And then I destroyed the Harun-El extractor. And then I collapsed in my bed a sobbing mess.

But that was yesterday. Today was a new day, and everything was _fine_. I just have super powers now…and I'm not in any way ready to address the whole identity outing of Supergirl.

The tumbler I was holding shattered in my hands, the dregs of whiskey spilled into the cracks of the frame guarding the picture of Kara and I.

"Ms. Luthor?" I looked up at my new secretary. She had doubtlessly heard the glass shattering and was worried; about me, for me? It did not matter. I was really hoping this one wouldn't betray me like the last couple had. She was noticeably tall, but younger and softer spoken than either Eve or Jess had been. She spoke with an accent, Mediterranean I think? I really couldn't pin point it closer than that, she could just as easily be Israeli or Greek, and I wouldn't know the difference unless I heard her speak her mother tongue.

"Everything is fine, Eris. I just slipped is all," I said in a light and measured tone that I really should've been given an Oscar for.

"Do you want me to call up a janitor?" Eris asked softly.

"Might as well. Do I have anything in the next few hours?" I asked.

"Ms. Arias is arriving at 1:25pm, but other than that, you're clear for the day." Eris consulted her pad.

Oh Samantha. I had requested she come in, all things considered, she owed me a small favour. I _needed _to learn control. And who better to teach me other than the former Worldkiller?

My phone rang.

I looked at the caller ID: it was Kara. I sighed as I brushed the broken glass off the back of my hands. I picked up the phone and answered without preamble, "Can you meet me at my penthouse in half an hour?"

"Yes, of course! Anything for you, Lena," Kara replied in all earnestness.

Anything for me? If only.


	2. Everything is Super

CHAPTER 2: Everything is Super

So, it turns out that I did something else. When I game myself powers. They're more…fully formed than when James, Lex, or even that flaming garbage fire of a human being Lockwood. And as it turns out, L-Corp's security cameras showed me disabling them, which I don't remember doing. I guess I blacked out last night and then came to in bed? Damn. Maybe I combined the Harun-El with Supergirl's blood? Or Kryptonite? Or any other damn substance we have sitting around in our _entire floor _of R&D?

FUCKING SHITE.

Okay, that's a problem for tomorrow. I can sort that out later. Right now, I need to worry that my only friend in the city, well, friends, including Alex. Kelly seemed kind of cool, and I'm happy for her and Alex. They deserve each other. Well, Alex has also been lying to me for a long time. Damn it! Everyone but me knew? James obviously knew, why I spent so much effort saving him…actually…he's a shite romantic partner, but he's a good man. Well, he _tries _to be. I think I need to sort out my anger before I lose my shit on the wrong people. James isn't the wrong people though.

HOW THE FUCK WAS I THE LAST _LUTHOR _TO KNOW? LEX? Really? Lillian has been tampering with the goings on of this city for a while now, it would make sense she knew. Lex showed up last week. Why?

UGH…

Never mind that I'm the _single _exception in Kara's growing circle of friends who didn't deserve to know. Even Nia and Brainy were in on it. I can't be mad at them though. Not really. They're just too adorable. And Nia especially…I just want the world for that girl.

Wait a minute…why am I three feet off the floor?

I'm fucked. As it turns out, the ability to fly, or pace back and forth in mid air, is activated by my anxiety. MY ANXIETY made me fucking float around while I was pacing in kitchen. At least, that was the hypothesis I had come up with, since I was able to float back down to the ground by using a calming down strategy of imagining my flat full of puppies. It worked eventually.

There was a buzzing noise from the front door. Kara was here.

Kara: my best friend.

Supergirl: the saviour.

Both of them have been mocking me for so long. To my mild horror, I noticed my sinuses acting up, and tears forming in my eyes. Damn it! This wasn't the fucking time for this emotional _weakness_. I'm a goddamn Luthor. I can do this.

Do what? Break up with Kara? BREAK UP MY FRIENDSHIP. Not that we're…goddamn it.

As if this wasn't complicated enough, now I have to sort out my decidedly non-platonic feelings for this golden retriever of an alien…she's probably straight. Even if I kind of hoped when she Supergirl showed up that the 'S' stood for 'Sapphic'. Maybe listening to Leslie 'Livewire' Willis on Catco's radio station back in my glory days of post-grad bliss wasn't one of my best decisions. Though to be fair, Livewire was their best host. May that bad bitch rest in peace.

If Kara's disastrous clusterfuck of a relationship with Mon El was anything to judge by,

Krypton seemed pretty archaic and hetero, and by extension, Kara.

There was knocking at the door. Damn. It was time to face the music.

"Kara, is that you?" I asked.

The door burst inwards in a hail of bullets.

Luckily, I hadn't turned the corner of the kitchen yet, so the bullets went right in front of my face, but didn't touch me. Unluckily, they shredded my television before impacting on the bullet-proof floor-to-ceiling window that was the west side of my flat.

Fuck. Fuck. Shite.

"You traitorous whore! You didn't think you'd get away with attacking our cause did you? You'll regret working with Supergirl!" a deep male voice shouted from the ruins of my door. I was freaking out. What to do, what to do? "Maybe we'll have a little fun with you first, it's not like he's here to protect you from that anymore," despite myself, I felt a cold sensation of dread in my gut.

OH.

I could call for help. Like, directly call for help. Instead of spending the precious time wondering if 911 would work, I could just call Kara instead. I dived for my phone on the counter, then picked up a moderately sized chef's knife then cowered behind the side of the granite counter. If I made a run to my panic room, they'd just shoot me. But was that preferable to them catching me alive?

It was on the other side of the penthouse; which meant I'd have to cross their line of sight. Shite. Thank god Kara answered on the first ring, "Lena? I'm in the your building, but the doorman won't let me up–,"

"They're in my flat! They're going to hurt me! Help!" I whispered as frantically as I dared into the phone. Kara didn't respond, but I heard the distinct staccato of gunfire on the other line.

Fuck. I dragged her into ANOTHER encounter with danger. She was Supergirl. She'd be fine, but if she wasn't…I'd never forgive myself.

They were fanning out. There was more than one of them. Because of course. I looked at the knife in my hand, which was trembling. I was going to have to kill again. There was no other way. Either I kill them, or they'd…they'd r-rape–NO. I wouldn't let that happen.

I peeked around the corner. There were three of them. One was looking forward, one heading towards my room, and the panic room, and one was headed towards me and the rest of the flat; which meant that I could maybe take them one by one. I didn't believe in a god, but damn did I need some cosmic help right now, other wise…I was done for.

I took a silent breath and just went for it. The blonde man with brown eyes didn't see me coming. He was looking on the other side of the counter, and I rushed him. I put the knife right into his centre of mass. It went through his vest, and into his heart. He didn't scream, I got lucky, again. He just let out a startled gasp, which I muffled by putting my arm over his mouth.

I desperately threw a look over my shoulder, the other man I could see was making his way around my luxurious leather couch.

I pulled the knife out of the dead man, that was somehow still standing. The sound was deafening. Well, it was deafening to me; the way it made this _slithering _noise as it exited his sternum, accompanied by a pulse of red that splattered my front with his lifeblood as the knife fully left his body.

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.

I could do this, I quickly laid him down and made my way over to the couch where the second guy was. He had his back turned, he was poking the curtains with the muzzle of his gun. I plunged the knife into his back. Which turned out to not be the best idea. He screamed and his gun went off as he swung around, the knife still in his back. . I let out the breath I was holding and pushed him away from me, as hard as I could. He had been facing the wall when I pushed him, so when his back connected with that wall, it pushed the knife further into him until it protruded from his chest. The couch around me exploded as the third assailant open-fired. The second dead guy's gun was too far away for a quick grab, so I yanked the protruding knife from the dead man's chest and flung it as hard as I could at the flashing gun of the third man.

The knife tore through him and imbedded itself in the glass wall overlooking the city behind him. It wasn't a clean throw. The chef's knife went through the lower left part of his abdomen, tearing his intestines apart on its way through him. He screamed as he breathed his last, managing a few more shots in my direction.

I gagged at the smell as his shit and blood pooled in the carpet beneath him. The knife was buried in the bullet proof glass wall. The blade was actually sticking through to the outside air.

I heard my name being called as I slumped to the ground next to the second dead man. I started to have a panic attack, my breathing and heart rate became erratic, and the corner of my vision became spotty. My hands scrabbled on the floor for purchase; my fingers came across the bullets they fired at me. Just before a mess of familiar blonde hair overtook my vision, and the strongest arms on the planet cradled me to _her _chest; I was able to feel the bullets laying on the floor that hit me. They were all fragmented and flat like botched coins.

"Lena! Oh Rao, Lena!" I heard Kara's panicked voice before I inhaled her scent and fainted.


	3. Wrath and Sorrow

Author's Note: TRIGGER WARNING for talk of ambiguously attempted suicide.

* * *

CHAPTER 3: Wrath and Sorrow

"Lena, please wake up," was the first frantic thing I heard when I started to come to.

"Kara, what happened?" Alex's voice. From somewhere to my left.

"She called for help, there was an asshole waiting for me downstairs. He had a gun. Like, a big one Alex! She said they were in her apartment, so after I dealt with the guy downstairs, I came straight here. It couldn't have been longer than thirty seconds!" Kara spoke.

"He's dead," Alex deadpanned.

"You're lucky you called me and not J'onn," Alex said. I wasn't sure if I should let them talk or let them know I was truly awake now. "_Fuck,_ is Lena a secret badass or something because these guys did not come to play." I could here her walking around my flat. Probably examining the bodies…of my victims–NO. They were here to violate and _then_ murder me. I didn't have a choice. _But what if you waited? Kara would've come to save you. You slaughtered them, and YOU LIKED IT. _

Fuck. I needed to stop letting my own mind bully me. Seriously, how fucking demeaning was that? "Lena, you're breathing too fast, focus on my voice!"

I wasn't sure which one of them said that. Everything was just becoming TOO MUCH.

I think I blacked out. Again.

When I came too, the pervasive smell of blood was significantly less, replaced instead by bleach.

Someone was holding my hand; I didn't open my eyes yet.

"Lena, what's this? Alex asked as her heartbeat revealed her to be the one at my side. "Holy fuck, Lena, you _didn't_." Alex sounded _sad_. "You gave yourself powers?"

I opened my eyes, finally. I looked at the soft butch redhead as she held the empty syringe of Super Serum. Kara was pacing by the kitchen. "That was all that was left," I said slowly. I couldn't bring myself to look at Kara, who was hovering over me to the side a little.

"Harun-El? Lena! You could've DIED!" Kara finally found her voice.

I looked at her bluish green eyes swimming in tears. They were a little bluer now, with the sun illuminating her face. I must've been out for a long time.

"Lena, you overdosed didn't you," Alex said from beside me. I looked up at her. It occurred to me that I was on my bed. One of them–Kara, obviously, had picked me up and moved me to my room. Probably when Alex was sterilising the crime scene. My residence was now a CRIME SCENE because I had killed…again. They were evil, yet it was horrifying how easy it was to cut them down, both emotionally and physically.

"I didn't mean to give myself powers," I admitted. I looked away from them. I wasn't lying, I think. I was so drunk, I just don't know for sure if I wanted it all to end, or if I wanted to be able to fly away from everyone…or if what I wanted even mattered.

Kara started sobbing. Alex just squeezed my hand.

I had enough of this. "I appreciate you help, but I would like to be alone please,"

"Not a chance, you could try to hurt yourself again!" Kara yelled at me. Tears were all over her face.

"Well I can't fucking hurt myself now can I? I got rid of the Kryptonite." I confess. That was probably the wrong thing to say, because now I could hear Alex admirably trying to stop herself from crying.

"Why? Lena, what happened? Is it because S-Supergirl killed your brother?" Kara asked in whimper, as if she expected to be physically struck.

I leveled her with a hard look that became slightly softer as her words sunk in.

Even now, she was lying to me. But…but she also believed she killed Lex. And she was torn up about it, _for my sake_. "Supergirl didn't kill Lex," I managed to say as I got up, releasing Alex's hand. Odd, for her to be the overtly comforting one, maybe even governmental agents could feel guilt?

"What?" Alex asked, mirroring the confused look on Kara's face. There was a glimmer of hope there. I almost hated myself for what I was going to say next and see that glimmer of hope become something much darker.

I rose to my feet, I might have _floated _to my feet, but I wasn't entirely sure as I walked up to Kara. I was inches from her face now, and as angry at _everything_ that I was, there was a sliver of me that wanted to suck the breath from her lungs and fuck her through the wall.

"I said," I spoke in a voice that was _far _calmer than I felt. I think Kara could sense it too because my heart must've been so fast and so loud to her. "I said, that _you_," I pressed her against the wall, "didn't kill Lex, Kara." Her eyes widened in what was ironically human: sheer panic.

"_You _didn't kill Lex in his battle suit, because he got the better of you. He portalled himself away. But I knew he'd outsmart you. So I was there to meet him. And after I put two bullets through his chest, he cued up a fucking reel of CCTV footage of you, playing the biggest fucking joke on _me_. Being Supergirl, going _out of your way_ to lie to me. After I gave you the keys to my life, my h-heart, you didn't waste any time laughing about it to all your _REAL friends_, WHO ALL KNOW. Because how could they not? Right? They all know because they're _worthier _than the last Luthor standing."

Kara's horrified face morphed through several different emotions, but the one that stood out to me most was shame. "You must've had such a laugh in lying _to me_, didn't you _Supergirl_. And _you're right_; the whole secret identity game you've played since we've been friends _is _a funny joke. Well played, honestly Kara, kudos to you, because I never suspected _a_ _thing_. And I never would have. Not from you Kara, never from you. Congratulations, your victory over the Family Luthor is complete."


	4. Decompression

CHAPTER 4: Explosive Decompression

It had been a couple weeks since my breakdown and the horror attack in my home. Sam and Ruby Arias had arrived from Metropolis. I was lucky it was the summer, Sam wouldn't have even considered the move if it would've involved so drastically upsetting Ruby's life. Ruby was doing quite well in school last I heard, near the top of her class in the prep school that Sam had finally been able to enrol her at.

Sam had effectively taken over my position of CEO until the end of August. I had given myself a few months to learn how to control my new powers. As it turned out, I was stronger than Kara. Maybe I wasn't equal to Samantha with her Worldkiller powers, but definitely stronger than our resident Supers. Sam had hoped all of Reign's traces were gone, but less than seven months after her departure from National City, she quietly let me know that while Reign's influence was truly gone, the Worldkiller's suppressed powers had returned. She was human no more. And if our theories were right, it was only a matter of time before Ruby started demonstrating her Kryptonian heritage.

The hard part was telling Sam exactly _why_ I was…_indisposed_. Here she was, wanting more than anything else to be human, and I had gone and _revoked _my humanity. She took it well; and so did Ruby, the sweet kid. I hadn't told anyone else; and as far as I knew, neither had Alex or Kara. Though to be fair, that was wishful thinking, and I knew it. Of course J'onn knew, because how could he not when he spent time around Alex. Maybe it was deeply naïve of me, even now, but I really hoped the Danvers sisters didn't tell any of the others: Kara's _real_ friends. But when had Kara really kept anything from them?

When I collapsed in tears onto Sam, and she had to brace herself on the kitchen island-which cracked- she knew something was wrong with me in more ways than one. I told her everything. I mistakenly assumed she knew about Kara. after all, wouldn't Kara have told the only other Kryptonian other than her cousin living on earth who she was? Apparently I was wrong. She paused for a moment, and just nodded to herself as she held me. And now I feel guilty for outing Kara. Why the fuck do I feel guilty for her even now? Kara had withheld her identity from Sam when she NEEDED someone to tell her about the culture of Krypton; she denied Sam and Ruby's their heritage!

I let a frustrated yell echo into the mountains. The day after that incident in my penthouse, I left National City, took a vacation of sorts. I decided I didn't have anything to fear from camping anymore, even in the remote parts of the Canadian wilderness. I had read that classic Hatchet in grade-school about that boy who survived a plane crash and lived alone for a while, just surviving. Lex had always pointed out to me how he would've done things better; even then he was showing signs of arrogance, rather than accepting the courageous spirits of others.

Consider me inspired. Besides, it wasn't like a bear could hurt me now, so I decided to go out into nature while to test my powers. I had mastered flying within a week and a half. The sensation of cleaning sap, half-formed birds' eggs, and wooden debris out of my hair was a stern teacher. According to the DEO's logs, Supergirl couldn't maintain her heat-vision blasts for long. My crimson gaze of death however could evaporate the lake I was staring into before even beginning to tire. It felt cathartic, screaming at the top of my lungs while rage bled from my eyes in an unstoppable torrent of excess solar radiation.

I did not evaporate the lake; I'm not a savage, besides, holding my breath indefinitely was a fun thing to test, as was ice skating on a lake of ice…until I underestimated the summer's heat and plunged right through the thinner ice I made.

I eventually came back to National City. Once I had gotten a grasp on not blowing shit up with my heat vision when I deliberately thought about things that enrage me, I decided it was time to stop running.

I didn't go back to work yet though. I had sold the penthouse, and most of the things in it. It was bought off the market very quickly, some heiress splashing daddy's money around I think.

It wasn't like there was much personal touch to the place anyway. I just _couldn't _set foot in there again. I kept my books, my electronics, and that was about it. Everything else was replaceable. In all, it was a couple easily manageable boxes to put in my car and have driven over to Sam and Ruby's place.

Sam was very accommodating. While she had moved to Metropolis, she didn't sell her house. I think some part of her even after the horrors of Reign, didn't believe she and Ruby were done with National City. So I was living in her admittedly generous guest room. Part of me was glad not to have to live on the couch. Not that I would ever put Sam out of her bed, but being raised by the second-wealthiest weapons contractors in America–second only to Kane Enterprises–got me used to at least having a bed to sleep in every night.

Ruby had turned fourteen, which she was thrilled about mainly because she was now the same age as her favourite video game character, Ellie from _The Last of Us_. Yes, she made me play her video games. I wasn't expecting to openly weep inside the first half-hour of playing the game. Ruby was sure to record my reaction, the cheeky little shit.

So one day into the third week since I last saw either Danvers sister, I got a call. I had just finished another harrowing encounter in the game, and my heart was already pounding before I reached for my mobile and saw the caller I.D. I least expected: Cat Grant. I briefly looked down at the basketball shorts I was wearing-courtesy of Ruby- and felt unsettlingly underdressed; even if it was just a phone call.

I paused as I held the vibrating phone in my hand. Quelling nearly every instinct to just ghost the formidable woman, I hit the 'accept' call tab on the screen.

"Dammit Lena," Cat growled in her 'I'm annoyed but not quite pissed with you yet' voice. "Would you like to explain to me your reasons for firing James Olsen?"

Before I could reign in my tongue, I said, "The answer complicated and simple. He betrayed me, and I can't trust him anymore. Besides, anybody could see he wasn't loyal to the job."

"Jealous girlfriend isn't a good look on you dear," Cat said airily.

"I'm not jealous. On the contrary, my affection for him clouded my judgement. I let him and _others_ get away with things no respectable employee should." I flinched at how that sounded. Kara had been Cat Grant's protégé; did the former 'Queen of All Media' know about Supergirl? Probably, if my luck was anything to judge by. Shit.

"Oh? Others? Tell me, how _is _Kiera doing nowadays?" I swear to God in that moment I understood why she called herself 'Cat'. I could practically hear her purr as she wheedled that bit of implication out of me. Fuck. She totally knew. And I'm pretty sure she knew that I knew. I'm not sure how, but now I knew why even Lillian avoided this short blonde titan of interviews at the galas they'd be at together.

I closed my eyes in immediate annoyance-laced regret; this wasn't going to be the most pleasant of conversations.


End file.
